i wanted to tell her about my exploding head

some days i lose a bit more love for the world

the number of fakers increasing 

the sight ain’t pleasing 

why do i put my self through this

looking through the window of other people’s lives

the storefront display disguising the lies 

that so many people buy 

in the depths of the night

i read your words over and over again

wishing we might have another conversation

somewhere, 

bye for now. 

1. make you laugh and smile 

2. you won’t feel weird crying in front of

3. will look out for you when you are drunk and out of control

4. support your dreams

5. will help you through fear

6. consciously not use their phone while hanging out with you, even though they really want to 

7. even though are using their phone whilst hanging with you apologise for doing that but still very sincerely pay attention to you 

8. send you silly memes 

9. will eat cake/ice-cream/ carbs with you 

10. there’s one thing about them you love …. not necessarily romantically . but bonus if you love them romantically 

i attended this forum at RADA the other day, i think the title was Sisterhood. 

I’d like to say it was one of those life-changing, earth shattering, perspective changing forums i’ve attended. The truth is, to me, it was. But i also know me, and in a few weeks i’ll be overcome by my own insecurities desperately trying to label myself because i’m in some sort of delusion that if i can catergorise myself, i’ll have an identity. i’ll remember all the things i’ve learnt at this forum, and slowly the empowerment i’ve gained will be chipped away by a society i feel that has made me feel like a total misfit. 

One of the long term issues i’ve been battling is what it is to be a woman. You might think it’s simple, easy, and fundamentally natural. It is. I’m a heterosexual woman, and for a long time there was no confusion. In recent yeas, by not subscribing to mini skirts, high heels, cut out tops, spaghetti straps and low cleavage, i’ve seemed to have this part of my identity challenged by the environment i’m in. I am in no way questioning my gender or sexuality or have any prejudice against what I’ve been assumed to be. I think you can be whatever you want to be as long as you are comfortable loving yourself and whoever you choose to love.  

What i’d like for the world to understand is that there are no conventions. That it doesn’t mean that i like to wear jeans and don’t flirt around means i’m into girls or that i like sports. It doesn’t mean that a person who studies business has no appreciation for the arts. It doesn’t mean that i’m in theatre means i like alot of booze and prefer sleeping around. My identity isn’t for you to decide, My sexuality is not fluid and my gender is something I am comfortable with. But that doesn’t mean other people can’t live their lives in a way different from mine. I’ve chosen a few principles to guide me in my life and you don’t get to debunk them just because you think you can evaluate who I am the moment i walk into the room. 

My life shouldn’t be set in stone because of what i did or what i chose or how other people have led their lives. I am not a pre-invented mathematical formula and my future shouldn’t be a pre-existing pattern, it should be an adventure.

In a time of vast technological advances, i’d imagine the world to be more open minded. but everyday i am reminded of how scared people are, how they lock themselves into comfortability, predictability, etc. And i can totally understand that fear. everything you think you know is about to be proven a lie and you have nothing to hold on to. But i think when you realise everyone else is just trying to get a sense of what reality is… you learn to accept, and you treat everyone differently, because like science determines, we each have our own unique DNA, and therefore, everyone is different. 

I am different and so are you and everyone is going to be okay.